Official Joke Thread!

[Emcee gsxtc]

Scaring the kids


A blonde gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. She rushes upstairs to find her husband naked on the bed, sweating and panting.

'What's up?' she says.

'I'm having a heart attack,' cries the man.

She rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as she's dialing her four-year-old son comes up and says,
`Mommy! Mommy! Jody the babysitter's hiding in your wardrobe and she's got no clothes on!'

The blonde slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, past her screaming husband and rips open the wardrobe door.

Sure enough, there is the babysitter, totally naked, cowering on the wardrobe floor.

'You bitch,' yells the blonde, 'my husband's having a heart attack and you're running around with no clothes on scaring the kids!'

[Jakey]

A young blonde woman in East Dubuque, Illinois was so
depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the Mississippi River. She went down to the docks and was about to leap into the frigid water when a handsome young sailor saw her tottering on the edge of the dock, crying. He took pity on her and said, "Look, you have so much to live for. I'm off to Europe in the morning, and if you like,I can stow youaway on my ship. I'll take good care of you and bring you food every day." Moving closer, he slipped his arm round her shoulder and added, "I'll keep you happy, and you'll keep me happy." The girl nodded yes. After all, what did she have to lose? Perhaps a fresh start in Europe would give her life new meaning. That night, the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a lifeboat. From then on, every night he brought her three sandwiches and a piece of fruit, and they made passionate love until dawn. Three weeks later, during a routine inspection, she was discovered by the captain. "What are you doing here?"the captain asked. I have an arrangement with one of the sailors," she explained. "I get food and a trip to Europe, and he's screwing me." "He certainly is," the captain said. "This is the Diamond Joe Casino, and we never leave Dubuque, Iowa."

[Jacek]

haha! :lol:

[1ViciousGSX]

Originally posted by Jakey@Feb 8 2004, 08:58 AM
A young blonde woman in East Dubuque, Illinois was so
depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the Mississippi River. She went down to the docks and was about to leap into the frigid water when a handsome young sailor saw her tottering on the edge of the dock, crying. He took pity on her and said, "Look, you have so much to live for. I'm off to Europe in the morning, and if you like,I can stow youaway on my ship. I'll take good care of you and bring you food every day." Moving closer, he slipped his arm round her shoulder and added, "I'll keep you happy, and you'll keep me happy." The girl nodded yes. After all, what did she have to lose? Perhaps a fresh start in Europe would give her life new meaning. That night, the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a lifeboat. From then on, every night he brought her three sandwiches and a piece of fruit, and they made passionate love until dawn. Three weeks later, during a routine inspection, she was discovered by the captain. "What are you doing here?"the captain asked. I have an arrangement with one of the sailors," she explained. "I get food and a trip to Europe, and he's screwing me." "He certainly is," the captain said. "This is the Diamond Joe Casino, and we never leave Dubuque, Iowa."
hahahahahahahahaha :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

[Jana]

:lol: Those are all great jokes!!! :lol:

[TheBlizzard]

A guy took his blonde girl friend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team's bench... After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience.

"Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents."

Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What do you mean?"

"Well, I saw them flip a coin and one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was: 'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!' Hel-LLLO! It's only 25 cents! I hate to think what they'd do if it was a whole DOLLAR!!!!"

CRAIG

[LightningGSX]

This is kinda old but....

[Emcee gsxtc]

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

[MATCHBX]

Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family farm.

Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In
order to keep the bank from repossessing the family farm, they need to
purchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock. Upon leaving, the brunette tells her sister, "When I get there, if I decide to buy the
bull, I'll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home."

The brunette arrives at the man's family farm, inspects the bull, and
decides she wants to buy it. The man tells her that he will sell it for
$599, no less.
After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a
telegram to tell her the news.

She walks into the telegraph office, and says, "I want to send a
telegram
to my sister telling her that I've bought a bull for our family farm. I
need her to hitch the trailer to our pickup truck and drive out here so we can haul
it home."

The telegraph operator explains that he'll be glad to help her, then adds, "It's just 99 cents a word." Well, after paying for the bull, the brunette only has $1 left. She realizes that she'll only be able to send her sister one word. After a few minutes of thinking, she nods and says, "I want you to send her the word "comfortable."

The operator shakes his head. "How is she ever going to know that you
want her to hitch the trailer to your pickup truck and drive out here to haul
that bull back to your family farm if you send her just the word
"comfortable?"

The brunette explains, "My sister's blonde. The word's big.

She'll read it very slowly ... com-for-da-bul."

[1ViciousGSX]

Originally posted by awd1dr@Feb 9 2004, 06:20 PM
She'll read it very slowly ... com-for-da-bul."
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA :lol: