Official Joke Thread!

[Halon]

what do you call cheese that isn't yours?


Nacho Cheese

[JiN]

HAHAHAHA.

[Enes]

-------------------------------------------------------------------

THE JEWLERS

A white haired man walked into a jeweller’s shop late one Friday,
with a beautiful young lady on his side. "I'm looking for a special
ring
for my girlfriend," he said. The jeweller looks through his stock, and
takes out an outstanding ring priced at $5,000. "I don't think you
understand. I want something very unique," he said.

At that, the jeweller went and fetched his special stock from the safe.
"Here's one stunning ring at $40,000."

The girls' eyes sparkled, and the man said that he would take it.

"How are you paying?"

"I'll pay by check, but of course you will want to make sure that
everything is in order, so I'll write a check and you can phone the
bank
tomorrow, then I'll fetch the ring on Monday."

Monday morning a very pissed off jeweller phones the man." You bastard,
you lied there's no money in that account."

"I know, but can you imagine what a fantastic weekend I had?"

***********
SOME BLONDE JOKES FOR A CHANGE

SPEEDING TICKET
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely
if
he could see her license. She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would
get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then
today you expect me to show it to you!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~

EXPOSURE
A blonde is walking down the street with her blouse open and her right
breast hanging out. A policeman approaches her and says, "Ma'am, are
you
aware that I could cite you for indecent exposure?"

She says, "Why officer?"

"Because your breast is hanging out." he says.

She looks down and says, "OH MY GOD, I left the baby on the bus again!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~

RIVER WALK
There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees
another blonde on the opposite bank. "Yoo-hoo!" she shouts, "How can I
get to the other side?"

The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts
back, "You ARE on the other side."

~~~~~~~~~~

KNITTING
A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway.
Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the
wheel was knitting! Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing
lights and siren, he trooper cranked down his window, turned on his
bullhorn and yelled, "PULL OVER!"

"NO!" the blonde yelled back, "IT'S! A SCARF!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

BLONDE ON THE SUN
A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day. The Russian
said, "we were the first in space!"

The American said, "We were the first on the moon!"

The Blonde said, "So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!"

The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their
heads.

"You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!" said the
Russian.

To which the Blonde replied, "We're not stupid, you know. We're going
at
night!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

IN A VACUUM
A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She
rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her question was,
"If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?"

She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

FINAL EXAM
The blonde reported for her university final examination that consists
of yes/no type questions. She takes her seat in the examination hall,
stares at the question paper for five minutes and then, in a fit of
inspiration, takes out her purse, removes a coin and starts tossing
the
coin, marking the answer sheet: Yes, for Heads, and No, for Tails.
Within half an hour she is all done, whereas the rest of the class is
still sweating it out.

During the last few minutes she is seen desperately throwing the coin,
muttering and sweating. The moderator, alarmed, approaches her and asks
what is going on.


"I finished the exam in half an hour, but now I'm rechecking my
answers."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

HOT DOGS
A girl was visiting her blond friend who had acquired two new dogs,
and
asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that
one
was named Rolex and one was named Timex. Her friend said, "Whoever
heard
of someone naming dogs like that?"

"Helooooo," answered the blond. "They're watch dogs!"


***********

[Enes]

This one actually happened at Harvard University in October last year.
In a biology class, the professor was discussing the high glucose
levels
found in semen. A young female (freshman), raised her hand and asked,
"If I understand what you are saying, there is a lot of glucose in male
semen, as in sugar?" "That's correct," responded the professor, going
on
to add much statistical data. Raising her hand again, the sweet young
thing asked, "Then why doesn't it taste sweet?". After a stunned
silence, the whole class burst out laughing, the poor girl turned
bright
red and as she realized exactly what she had inadvertently said (or
rather implied), she picked up her books without a word and walked out
of the class. However, as she was going out of the door, the
professor's
reply was a classic. Totally straight-faced, he answered her question,
"It doesn't, taste sweet because the taste-buds for sweetness are on
the
tip of your tongue and not in the back of your throat!

[Alpine TSi]

BlondeStar (http://media.ebaumsworld.com/index.php?e=blondestar.mp3)

[Anduinlight]

awsome

[1slowdsm]

Whoa...those are some great jokes. I havent had a good laugh this whole day...hahaha. Too bad there's no more jokes to read...darn!

[StafeBak]

AHahahaha :banana:

[StafeBak]

:bounce: :lol: :bounce:

[Goat Blower]

Oooooooooh, my wife is going to be pissed at you. :bounce: