Official Joke Thread!

[Nash]

doctor took new nurse on rounds in first room patient was playing with himself, nurse got embarrased dotcor said guy was ill had virus in groin had to do that several times daily, in next room nurse was bent over bed giveing head, doctor said dont be alarmed same virus better insurance

[Jana]

Originally posted by Nash@Mar 26 2004, 06:37 PM
doctor took new nurse on rounds in first room patient was playing with himself, nurse got embarrased dotcor said guy was ill had virus in groin had to do that several times daily, in next room nurse was bent over bed giveing head, doctor said dont be alarmed same virus better insurance
:lol:

[john]

Originally posted by Nash@Mar 26 2004, 07:37 PM
doctor took new nurse on rounds in first room patient was playing with himself, nurse got embarrased dotcor said guy was ill had virus in groin had to do that several times daily, in next room nurse was bent over bed giveing head, doctor said dont be alarmed same virus better insurance
cough*punctuation*cough

EDIT: Dont know why in the hell I said grammer the first time.

[john]

I heard this one on 93x:
What do women and dog shit have in common?



The older they are the easier they are to pick up.

[A//// Guy]

Originally posted by 92tsiawd84+Mar 27 2004, 11:00 AM--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE (92tsiawd84 @ Mar 27 2004, 11:00 AM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'> <!--QuoteBegin-Nash@Mar 26 2004, 07:37 PM
doctor took new nurse on rounds in first room patient was playing with himself, nurse got embarrased dotcor said guy was ill had virus in groin had to do that several times daily, in next room nurse was bent over bed giveing head, doctor said dont be alarmed same virus better insurance
cough*grammer*cough [/b][/quote]
Yea I thought that was funnier than the joke! haha jk ;)

[Enes]

Never slap a man who's chewing tobacco.

Never kick a cow chip on a hot day.

There are 2 theories to arguing with a woman...neither works.

Never miss a good chance to shut up.

Always drink upstream from the herd.

If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.

The quickest way to double your money is to fold it and put it back in
your pocket.

There are three kinds of men: The ones who learn by reading, the few
who learn by observation, and the rest of them have to pee on the
electric fence.

Good judgment comes from experience and a lot of that comes from
bad judgment.

If you're riding ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then
to make sure it's still there.

Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier'n puttin' it back.

***********
HANGOVER

Bill wakes up at home with a huge hangover. He forces
himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is
a couple of aspirins and a glass of water on the side
table. He sits down and sees his clothing in front of him,
all clean and pressed. Bill looks around the room and
sees that it is in a perfect order, spotless, clean. So's
the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins and notices
a note on the table 'Honey, breakfast is on the stove,
I left early to go shopping. Love you.'

So he goes to the kitchen and sure enough there is
a hot breakfast and the morning newspaper. His son
is also at the table, eating.

Bill asks, 'Son, what happened last night?'

His son says, 'Well, you came home after 3 A.M.,
drunk and delirious. Broke some furniture, puked in
the hallway, and gave yourself a black eye when
you stumbled into the door.'

Confused, Bill asks, 'So, why is everything in order and
so clean, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?'

His son replies, 'Oh that! Mom dragged you to the
bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off
you said, 'Lady leave me alone, I'm married'!'

***********
Isn't this the truth........



HOW TO IMPRESS A WOMAN.( ISN'T THIS THE TRUTH ? )

* Wine her,
* Dine her,
* Call her,
* Hug her,
* Support her,

* Hold her,
* Surprise her,
* Compliment her,
* Smile at her,
* Listen to her,
* Laugh with her,
* Cry with her,

* Romance her,
* Encourage her,
* Believe in her,
* Pray with her,
* Pray for her, * Cuddle with her,
* Shop with her,
* Give her jewelry,
* Buy her flowers,
* Hold her hand,
* Write love letters to her,
* Go to the end of the Earth and back again for her.



HOW TO IMPRESS A MAN




* Show up naked... Bring food... Don't block the TV............




A bit long post but a few good one's

[audiousECLIPSE]

From the movie Natural Born Killers (don't get your panties in a bunch if this isn't word for word)

"Once upon a time, there was a woman out looking for food. She found a snake frozen in the snow, so she took it home and nursed it back to health. The snake eventually bit her on the cheek. While laying on her death bed, the woman looked at the snake and said:
"Why did you do this to me?"
The snake replied, "Look, bitch, you knew I was a snake."

:bounce:

[glempo]

:lol:
aint that the damn truth

[JDM]

I'm RICK JAMES, BITCH


Charlie Murphy...

What did the 5 fingers say to the face???




S L A P!!!!!!! :bounce:

Bitches, Show Rick James your titties!!!

[Enes]

Little Johnny watched his Daddy's car pass by the school playground and
go into the woods. Curious, he followed the car and saw Daddy and Aunt
Jane in a passionate embrace.

Little Johnny found this so exciting that he could not contain himself
as he ran home and started to tell his mother.

"Mommy, I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods
with Aunt Jane. I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Jane a big
kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt. Then Aunt Jane helped
Daddy
take his pants off, then Aunt Jane........"

At this point Mommy cut him off and said,

"Johnny, this is such an interesting story, suppose you save the rest
of
it for supper time. I want to see the look on Daddy's face when you
tell
it tonight. At the dinner table."

Mommy asked little Johnny to tell his story.

Johnny started his story about the car going into the woods, the
undressing, Aunt Jane laying down on the back seat. Then Aunt Jane and
Daddy started doing the same thing that Mommy and Uncle Bill used to do
when Daddy was in the Army.

Sometimes you need to listen to the whole story before you interrupt.