10 Commandments for Guys

[AJ]

Written by some bitch named Meghan Mopandglow. What kind of a fucking name is that anyway? Here is what she has to say :

Okay, first I would like to address the fact that it's not the girls who suck, it's you guys. Ya'll are the ones with the problem. You're nice for the first few dates, but when we screw you, you dump us because we're considered a slut. And no guy wants a slut for a girlfriend. Or, we decide not to sleep with you and we get dumped anyway. That's all you guys are looking for--a piece of ass. And we're the losers? I don't think so! By the way, we're not stupid, either. It's a known fact that girls are smarter than guys, and don't try to argue with me about this; I'm right, always have been and always will be. So here's my advice for you guys....


I. Always BE the nice guy, and we would never have to overlook you. No matter how hot you are, if you're an ass, we're eventually going to run to your best friend, who IS the nice guy. And that's going to suck for you. John Bobbit was an asshole and look what happened to him.

II. I don't care how many nutrients you say there are in your man juice, I'm not swallowing that shit! How about you take up some yoga classes and learn how your own semen slurpy tastes? Until then, I will continue to spit it anywhere I please.

III. Show us some affection. You may think that a, "Hi, babe," and a quick kiss will suffice for the rest of the day. It won't!! Perhaps me french kissing your best friend would be as good as a friendly hello. We need to feel loved. Hold our hand. Tell us how beautiful we are. Follow my advice, and the rewards will be plentiful.

IV. Always put the seat down. Because you know you can't handle the bitching. So stop our bitching before it even starts. We also really don't care if you watch porn because we know you can't get a woman that hot in real life anyway.

V. Let us pay once in a while. Your cock may feel bigger telling us to put our money away, but our respect for you will increase if you let us buy dinner every once in a while. Besides, that will show us how manly you really are.

VI. YOU need to supply the "protection." You have the pockets. You think about sex every six seconds. Besides, do you honestly think we carry that shit in our purse? What would happen if our purse fell over right in front of our father? You wouldn't need protection ever again I guarantee it--our father would slice your tinkie winkie off!!

VII. Open the door for us. It's not that hard. Plus, other girls will notice and tell their boyfriend's how sweet you are. And that should REALLY make you feel big.

IIX. Don't play games with us. We're extremely sensitive people. Say what you mean and mean what you say. And if you don't, I can just tell my dad. The only problem he would have is where to hide the body.

IX. Don't complain about how long it takes us to get ready. We need to feel beautiful about 95% of the time. So if it takes us an extra 20 minutes to get our eyeliner totally perfect, then dammit, deal with it!!

X. Nibble gently. We don't like marks.