Official Joke Thread!

[AJ]

One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed. Well, the
passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says "I don't feel like it, I
just want you to hold me."



I said "WHAT????!!! What was that?!"



So she says the words that every husband on the planet dreads to
hear..."You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough
for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man."



She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who
I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"



Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night I went to sleep. The
very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her.
We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed
dept. store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different
very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take so I told her
we'll just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new
clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit. We went on to the
jewelry dept. where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings.



Let me tell you...she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave
short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she
asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis.
I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey." She was
almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement.



Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all
dear, Let's go to the cashier".



I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel
like it."



Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled
WHAT???!!!"



I then said, "Really honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for awhile..
You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to
satisfy your shopping needs as a woman."



And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me I added, "Why
can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"



Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either.