Odd starting issue

[BLaCk_1cE]

Ok so i just had my friend w/ his brand new red top come try jumping me. We kept his battery in his car, took mine out, and hooked the jumper cables from his battery directly to my terminals. The issue still persists (humming noise, oil gauge goes to 100 psi, lights wont turn on).

What we did notice is that when I tried to turn my lights on, the tail lamp relay clicks loud. Hmmm.

So what do you guys think? ps, I hate electrical gremlins.