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Company Xmas Memo
MEMO
FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 4th November 2005
RE: Christmas Party
I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take
place on December 23rd, starting at noon in the private function room at
the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll
have a small band playing traditional carols...please feel free to sing
along.
And don't be surprised if the MD shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A
Christmas tree will be lit at 1.00p.m.. Exchange of gifts among
employees can be done at that time, however, no gift should be over
$10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets. This
gathering is only for employees! The MD will make a special announcement
at the Party.
Merry Christmas to you and your Family.
Pauline
FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 5th November 2005
RE: Holiday Party
In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish
employees. We recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday, which
often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year.
However, from now on we're calling it our 'Holiday Party'.. The same
policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians. There will
be no Christmas tree or Christmas carols sung. We will have other types
of music for your enjoyment.
Happy now?
Happy Holidays to you and your family,
Pauline.
FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 6th November 2005
RE: Holiday Party
Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous
requesting a non-drinking table...you didn't sign your name. I'm happy
to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads,
"AA Only", you wouldn't be anonymous anymore!!!! How am I supposed to
handle this? Somebody?
Forget about the gift exchange, no gift exchange allowed now since
the Union Officials feel that $10.00 is too much money and Management
believe $10.00 is a little cheap.
NO GIFT EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.
Pauline.
FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 7th November 2005
RE: Holiday Party
What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20th begins
the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking
during daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can
appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our
Muslim employees' beliefs, perhaps the Grill House can hold off on
serving your meal until the end of the party - or else package
everything up for you to take home in a little foil doggy bag. Will that
work? Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit
farthest from the dessert buffet and pregnant women will get the table
closest to the toilets, Gays are allowed to sit with each other,
Lesbians do not have to sit with gay men, each will have their own
table. Yes, there will be flower arrangements for the gay men's table
too. To the person asking permission to cross dress - no cross dressing
to be allowed.
We will have booster seats for short people. Low fat food will be
available for those on a diet. We cannot control the salt used in the
food we suggest those people with high blood pressure taste the food
first.. There will be fresh fruits as dessert for Diabetics, the
restaurant cannot supply "No Sugar" desserts. Sorry! Did I miss
anything?!?!?!?!?!
Pauline.
FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All F****** Employees
DATE: 8 November 2005
RE: The ******** Holiday Party.
Vegetarian pricks I've had it with you people !!! We're going
to keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you
can sit quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death", as you
so quaintly put it, you'll get your f****** salad bar, including organic
tomatoes, But you know tomatoes have feelings too, They scream when you
slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing the scream right NOW!! I hope you all have a rotten holiday, drink drive and die.
The Grouch from HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FROM: John Bishop - Acting Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 9th November 2005
RE: Pauline Lewis and Holiday Party
I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Pauline Lewis a speedy
recovery, and I'll continue to forward your cards to her. In the
meantime, the Management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and
instead, give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd December off with full
pay.
__________________
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