Man Laws!

[sleepy2lazy]

The God Fathers of Man Law.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xsUtEIsU72U

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I85vo9FTG8s

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_9I0KGJHvlM

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iU0tGUyoFTo

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cPqLB8gfGuk

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dixNKEZpXI4

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z_kTAqhEhs4

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cLhYLjPvZLE

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uhL-CaooAdY

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7dejo0ykEfQ

And for the rules of MAN LAW! (http://www.realmanlaws.com)

First, do no evil (and not in the Google kind of way).

Second, do not hit your wife.

Thou shalt not cheat on your WIFE

Thou shalt not peek at another man when urinating...(eyes on the wall)

Thou shalt not rape.

Thou shalt not have butt sex with another man in any case

Thou shalt not screw up RealManLaws.com (I know its tempting, but resist).

Once each day - try to stand like the guy up in the corner there

Asking for directions is acceptable... in life or death situations.

If you're playing Soccer or any other sport and you get taken off the field in a stretcher, you had better be rushed to the hospital, and not standing on your own two feet fine once you get to the sideline. I'm looking at you Pirlo.

Thou shalt conduct himself in a manly manner when drinking.

Emoticons should always be avoided. <-- Wrong.<-- Right

Thou shalt always treat a girl like a lady, because courtesy goes a long way in the modern world. Unless she proves otherwise!!!!

Man shall never find himself more comfortable in a shopping mall than a forest.

Men do not shop. Men buy things. Men Digg this page

It is not okay for a man to get a manicure!

A real man shall never become a tow truck driver.

You shall inform all men about this page, in order to further the cause for manliness. Any man who leaves his fellow man in the dark shall no longer be considered a man.

Men shall work to reinstate the code of chivalry because it is good to act honorably and carry a sword.

If you lick an object, it is henceforth your property until another man claims it by doing the same thing.

Thou shalt not act like a girl, stealing other mens seats, smacking, whining, etc.

It is never ok, ever, to say the word "cute".

It is ok for a man to leave the toilet seat up.

By the time you have reached adolescence, you should have watched every Rambo and Terminator movie.

Men shall only have one bite of vegtables per every 3 bites of meat.

A real man does not break bread with a knife, he uses his hands. Knives are only permitted for items such as jelly, where it has a sticky consistency and will be shared

A real man must not chase around or stalk any woman who is not interested in him.

A real man must choose death before dishonor.

Thou shall never disrespect another mans mother.

Thou shall not watch a soap opera willingly.

Thou shall never pick up a sea shell while walking down the beach. Shiny objects are meant to attract those with lower levels of intelligence; such as birds and women. Its science.

Thou shall always have beer when having guests over.

Thou shall always have at least two rolls of toilet paper in sight before sitting down.

Thou shall always be sure your daughters boy friend knows who is the boss.

Thou shall never ask another man to help you move with out paying him in beer.

Thou must know another man for at least six months before you can ask him to help you move.

Thou must wait two years before asking that same man to help move again.

Thou shalt use duct tape for anything found broken save for items falling within womanly teritory, unless asked by the female owner of said item to fix it.

Thou shalt never admit that "I don't know." to a female... except in life or death situations. Instead thou shalt seek advice from ones fellow man.

If you had been doing it doggy style you both could have watched TV. Keep that in mind.

No fat chicks.

Thou shall not cum unless your girlfriend/wife has cum(its embarassing man, hold it down for as long as you can. say the alphabet...backwards).

No man shall willingly watch any movie featuring Sandra Bullock, and/or Julia Roberts. Unless your girlfriend promises to put out after said movie.

No man shall hit another man in the balls unless it is a life or death situation.

[sleepy2lazy]

Man Law

1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:
(a) when a heroic dog dies to save its master.
(b) After you cut off your own arm to free yourself from being lodged between two rocks for a few days in the middle of nowhere.
(c) When you see highlights of the final seconds of the 1980 U.S. Men’s Hockey Team beating the Russians.

3: Any man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be unmercilessly beaten by his buddies.

4: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your buddy’s birthday is strictly optional.

5: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.

6: When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who’s playing.

7: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink with an umbrella only when you’re sunning on a tropical beach… and it’s delivered by a cute waitress and the drink is actually free!

8: Unless you’re in prison, never fight naked.

9: Friends don’t let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.

10: If a man’s fly is down, that’s his problem, you didn’t see anything.

11: Women who claim they “love to watch sports” must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to show equal amounts of testostorone with the other sports watchers.

12: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you’d better be talking about his choice of beer.

13: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: i.e., both urinating but looking straight at the wall, both washing hands on the sink, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.

14: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.

15: Thou shalt not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime green, orange or sky blue.

16: The girl who replies to the question “What do you want for Christmas?” with “If you loved me, you’d know what I want!” gets an Xbox. End of story.

17: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men’s Gymnastics. Ever.

* 18. No man shall eat anything that he cannot pronounce.

* 19. Unless you’re Elvis or The Fonz, a popped collar is NEVER allowed.

* 20. A poodle should never be within 15 feet of a man, unless it is accompanied by a very hot woman. Amendment: Any dog that is small enough to be PUNTED may not be within 15 feet of amy man, unless accompanied by a hot woman.

21. If you get a ride to a party with another guy, and he hooks up with a girl, you're now responsible for finding another way home (exception: if it's his girlfriend, he's still responsible for you).

22. Always leave a urinal of space in the bath room, unless there are dividers.

23. No talking at the urinals.

24. You should always be willing to play the wingman when your buddy meets a hot girl. Do not ask for compensation though. The only compensation should be the fact that someone will be there for you when you need a wingman.

25. Pirates are the manliest of the professions, as they get two kinds of booty.

26. A simply "Oops", or a "my bad" will suffice; do not apologize.

27. When picking players for sports teams it is permissible to skip over your buddy in favor of better athletes- as long as you don’t let him be the last sorry son of a bitch standing on the sideline.

28. If you ever compliment a guy's six pack, you better be talking about his choice of beverage.

29. Never join your girlfriend in ragging on a buddy of yours, unless she is withholding sex, pending your response.

30. Phrases that may never be uttered to another man while lifting weights:
"Yeah, baby, push it!"
"Come on, give me one more, harder!"
"Another set and we can hit the showers"
"Nice ass! Are you a Sagittarius?"

31. Never hesitate to reach for the last beverage or pizza, but not both. That’s just mean.

32. Never talk to another man in the bathroom unless you are on equal footing: both urinating, both waiting in line for all other situations an "I recognize you" nod will do just fine.

33. Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch nearby, hang up if necessary.

34. You can not rat out a friend who show's up to work or class with a massive hangover, however you may: hide the aspirin, smear his chair with limburger cheese, turn the brightness on his computer way up so he thinks its broken, or have him paged every seven minutes.

35. If you catch your girl messing around with your best friend, let your states crime of passion laws be your guide.

36. If your buddy is trying to hook up with a girl, you may sabotage him only in a manor that gives you no chances of getting any either.

37. Before allowing a drunken friend to cheat on his girl, you must attempt one intervention. If he can get up on his feet, look you in the eye, and deliver a "fuck off" then you are absolved from all responsibility. Later on it is ok that you have no idea what his girlfriend is talking about.

38. The morning after you and a babe, who was formerly "just a friend", go at it, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason not to jump on her again before there is a discussion about what a big mistake it was.

39. If a buddy has lint, an eyelash, or any other foreign object on his hair or face, under no circumstances are you permitted to remove it. However an appropriate hand gesture may be made to make him aware of it.

[sleepy2lazy]

40. An anniversary is recognized on a yearly basis, under no circumstances will anything be celebrated in an interval other than a year

41. When using a urinal in a public restroom, a buffer zone of at least one urinal will exist at all times. If the only empty urinal is directly next to an occupied on, then you are still required to wait. (Exception: at a sporting event where a line has formed to use the pisser)

42. When coming to a room which you know is occupied by your friend and possibly another girl, you must knock and wait for an adequate response. If no response occurs, and the door is locked, a 10 minute period is required before knocking again.

43. The only time dicking over a buddy for a girl is legal, is when the girl ranks a 8 or above on the 1-10 scale. (exception: a girl may rank from 5-7, as long as there is oral sex involved).

44. A mans gotta scratch what a mans gotta scratch. This applies to picking as well. Let the man be.

45. No man shall ever watch any of the following programs on TV:
Figure skating
Men's gymnastics
Any sport involving women (unless viewed for sexual purposes)

46. If you accidentally touch or brush against any part of another man below the waist, it is an understood accident, and NO apologies or any reference to the occurrence is necessary.

47. No man shall spend more than 2 minutes in front of a mirror. If more time is required, a three minute waiting period must be allowed before returning to the mirror.

48. Any dispute lasting any longer than 3 minutes will and must be settled by rock, paper, scissors. There is no argument too important for this determining method.

49. No man will ever willingly watch a movie in which the main theme is dancing, and if a man shall happen to view such a movie it is only acceptable if its with a girlfriend.

50. Only acceptable time when a man is allowed to cry:
when a heroic dog dies to save his master.
after being struck in the testicles with anything moving fast than 7 mph.
When your date is using her teeth.
The day Anna Kornikova chooses a husband.

51. If a bet is made, and the challenge is completed, then the bettor may recoup his money by immediately completing a more daring challenge. If he refuses the challenge or chooses not to propose one, then and only then, must the money be paid.

52. Masturbate often. (exception: if your roommate is due back within the hour)

53. If a hot girl shall happen to pass by while you are in an arms reach of your buddy, you must, and will, tap him on the shoulder to make him aware of the babe.

54. A man's shoes may not intentionally match any other article of clothing on his body.

55. No comment shall ever be made to a man about how much he is sweating. In fact, there is no need bring notice to any body part which he may be sweating from.

56. No man shall ever allow anyone to speak ill of The Simpsons or any Rocky movie. (Exception: Rocky V)

57. You have not made any mistake if you find that there are extra pieces after reassembling or assembling an object. In fact, you have just found a way to make that object more efficient.

58. There are is never an occasion in which any shirt without buttons may be tucked in. (Exception: when you are participating in a organized sporting event)

59. Unless you are under the age of 11 or wearing a bathing suit,, DON’T wear whitey tighty's. It still escapes all reasoning as to why they even make them in adult sizes.

60. Any object thrown with reasonable speed and accuracy, MUST be caught.

61. No man shall ever keep track of, or count, the amount of beers he has had in a night.

62. Under no circumstances may two non-related men share a bed or anything which can be perceived as a mattress.

63. In an empty room, car, ect., a man can not ask another man if he is mad because he isn’t talking.

64. If you jiggle more than twice, your playing with it.

65. A man shall never help another man apply sun tan oil.

66. The guy who wants something the most is responsible for getting it.

67. If your friend says "Lick my nuts" as a way to put you down, don't try to be funny by saying "OK" and moving your head towards his crotch, two homosexual references in a row are just plain scary...

68. If you say ouch, you are a pussy!

69. It is the God given duty of every man to assist any other man that may be in need of assistance in obtaining every guys dream (threesome with two girls)