[niterydr]

Words of advise, get rid of her.
People that know me well know my previous gf of a long time, Nissa. Well after 4 years of me dealing with her controlling, bitching, general nasty attitude, I find out she had been cheating on me for 6 months. That relationship was officially over in Marchish of this year, but she started dating others, I found out around september of 2004 (probably on my b-day). Also that last year, I lost my mother to cancer (april 26, 2004) and Nissa wasn't really wasn't around to help me out through that.
Thats a little bit on my background...here is the advice.
It is really tough to let someone go, especially when it is your first "serious" relationship. This goes for men and women. You can bend over backwards for someone, but relationships are a 2 person involvement. If BOTH of you aren't happy, then someone is getting screwed over, thats that. You will be better off if you move on. Relatonships are not a one sided affair, if there isn't GIVE and TAKE then it is more of a obligation versus a relationship.
It seems at this point in your life you are dealing with many issues, you need someone there to help you sort them out, not add to them.
Life is to short to be miserable. If you don't like what you are doing, who you are with, or how life is going, change it.
You are the only person responsible for your actions. Your friends can help, your parents can help, and your significant other can help, but when the dust settles, YOU are ultimately responsible for your own happiness.
On a side note:
Its good to get stuff out of your system, I use to 'pent' now I just tell someone to STFU instead of bottling my anger. Emotions are a powerful source of energy. You can use them to your advantage to express yourself, or you can bottle them up and have them destroy you.
Best of luck in your future endevors.
Just remember to keep your head up, tommorrow is always another day.
Live for tommorrow, have fun today, and forget about yesterday, its already gone.
-josh