telemarketers
 

I get these calls about once a week at work. "Hello sir would like to renew your free subscription to..." It's always a different magazine name, but they're all pretty much the same. Industry magazines with about 90% advertising and 10% actual articles (which are probably solicited by the company making the product in the article). So they're basically about 99% advertising. Some of them are good, like Automotive Engineering, but the majority of them are of no use to me.

The funny part is that I have only subscribed to a couple magazines over the past 5-6 years, and whenever I get a call, they always ask me if I want to "renew" my subscription.

Anyway, I need some help from you guys. My standard response is "No thanks, I'm not interested". Repeat that about 10 times, and they usually get the message. Keep in mind that I work in a cubicle farm, so I can't go off the hook screaming and yelling over the phone. I need to write down a list of responses to put by the phone. Kind of like the list that they have, when I give a reason I don't want thier freakin' magazine.

Here's some of the questions, how would you respond? P.S. This isn't a joke, I'm actually going to make a list and put it by the phone. :D

1. Hello sir, would you like to renew your free subscription to *** magazine?

2. All I need is to update your information, and we can get this out to you.

3. Can I ask you what industry you work in?

4. Let me tell you why this magazine is perfect for you.

5. Is there anyone else at your company that you think would be interested?

There's alot more that I will think of later (I need to get back to work), but how would you respond to these?

Re: telemarketers
 

Just tell them to put you on the DoNotCall List. If they still call you after that, they can be fined $10k if it's the same company.

Re: telemarketers
 

Yeah, but that's not as fun. :) And actually once, I did ask to be taken off the list, and she hung up on me! :eek: I don't know if she actually took me off the list or not though.

Re: telemarketers
 

I've gotten calls like that here at work as well, and I just tell them I'm not in a position to make that kind of decision and hang up on them. :)

Re: telemarketers
 

I start speaking spanish to them(the little that I know), and then after them asking a few questions I just start getting loud and saying Que?(which means what). Except for once they have always hung up, the one time the lady transfered me to a spanish speaking rep. Then I just started making up gibberish.

Re: telemarketers
 

LOL, that's a good one. I'm definitely going to try that.

Re: telemarketers
 

Since you can't do my favorite thing of yelling and getting them to hang up or talk about getting high and driving a Blazer to them to hang out (inside joke) then to the next 2 best things.

1. Repeat everything they say in a soft polite voice. If they ask what you are doing just keep repeating.

2. Ask them to hold and just let them iot and stir. When you get back on the line a min or 5 later tell them you just have to runt o your car to get your checkbook ort something and see if they can hold again. If they say yes let them sit for another 10 min if possible. Only hang up when you can't keep them on the phone anymore. 99% of the time these people are paid by # calls per hour. You will fuck with their money and they won't fuck with you much more.

Re: telemarketers
 

Or transfer them to me ;)

Re: telemarketers
 

I usually just hang up as soon as I know its telemarketing. I usually do not get another call for a while. If someone is trying to sell me stuff at work I use Jana's line and hang up on them.

If I am bored or want to have some fun, I like the Sienfeld approach. Sound interested as soon as they call and politely interrupt them and say "You know, I really would like to pursue this at another time. Could you give me your home phone number so that I can call you later when you are off the clock? What? You don't want me calling you at home? Well thats just unbelievable! So on and so forth....."

A friend of mine trys to get them to talk to him as long as possible about anything and makes them hang up. He loves punishment I guess.

Jim

Re: telemarketers
 

When they call, I think you should tell them that you are a telemarketer. You will only subscribe to their magazine, if they subscribe to yours, "gay men in the business place". Start asking for their name and address, etc. It should totally throw them off guard!

Re: telemarketers
 

I just scream really really loud in their ear. And then hang up.

CRAIG

Re: telemarketers
 

Telemarketers are very annoying. I would bet we get about 20 to 30 calls a day at my house from them. I have threatened, cussed, ignored, you name it and they dont get the hint.

Re: telemarketers
 

right when they ask for you just tell them you are the persons brother and they passed away last night because a telemarketer called him while he was driving home and got in to an accident and died. then ask if they are happy with what they did.

Re: telemarketers
 

Just tell them your parents arent home, or start speaking chinese or something.

Ive started speaking Polish to them haha.

Most of the time I just hangup.

Re: telemarketers
 

I used to start speaking Norwegian. After a while they just get frustrated and end the call.

One piece of advice, NEVER say the word "yes" or "yeah". They could start sending you stuff and all they have to do is rework the recording so you say yes to all the right questions. Yes, it's illegal, but it's your word against theirs and they have a recording of your voice on their side.

I like the "put them on hold" routine also.

Re: telemarketers
 

The list thing is a joke. I had one guy that was very mean and nasty to me and then said he was on the National Do Not Call List. I called him seven times on that shift alone. Finally I was able to talk to his wife or son (I can't remember which) and ended up selling him or her. I'm sure he was mad when he found the $140 charge on his Visa...
The only way I would take a number outa the list was if the person was dead and no one was there to handle the account. If you have a telemarketer on the phone and really want them off, just say "Dispo the account name as deceased". I always would for them.

Re: telemarketers
 

yupp, the problem with the 'list' is most of the telemarkers don't care for the company they work for, just want the $$, so they only take out leads that are 'dead' (one way or the other).
The repeater game works, so does the different language. I usually just hang up on them.

Re: telemarketers
 

3. Can I ask you what industry you work in? PORNO
5. Is there anyone else at your company that you think would be interested? SOMEONE YOU HATE

Re: telemarketers
 

I still love to fuck with them over the phone if I have the time. And I have plenty latly and the calls are flowing in. So I wait for the righ tone to answer and the last guy I did fuck with went something like this :

TM : hello sir
ME : hold on
TM : ok
ME : head to toliet, wait a few min, flush
ME : ok, I'm back
TM : ok sir, we have this new....
ME : sorry, be right back one more time.
ME : growning, moaning, flush noise.

RINSE AND REPEAT. Generally they can't hang up, so after a bit if you get bored just say something like " oh shit i'm gonna explode" or hold the phone in the toliet a bit and yell into it " FUCK the phones covered in SHIT NOW". then flush and hang up.

Re: telemarketers
 

1. Ill only subscribe if you ask me politely.. after he/she asks again, repeat.
2. I dunno, whats the address to the Hennipin county jail because im gonna be there for 1 year.
3. Im a hooker on the corner of 5th and hennipin.
4. respond with "Let me tell you why this magazine would be thrown in the fireplace every time i get it"
5. well if they are gonna get annoying calls like this, then prolly a big NO.

I think the best is when you start talking dirty to her/him. we did this with Credit card companies when i was in college, it was funny, this poor girl was on speaker phone with my roomate and he got really dirty with her saying things like "yeah baby i want you to put your finger in my asshole, thats so sexy, damn im getting so horny just hearing your voice, im totally naked right now and stroking myself because of your voice is turning me on so much right now." LOL she ended up hanging up after like 5 minutes.